Entry 2- Criticize

Criticize
This is Carnegies first rule in the first section (don’t criticize, condemn, or complain) of his book How to Win Friends and Influence People. I agree with the principle, but don’t believe it accurately reflects real life. Criticism, this is just the kind of thing that some people need to get themselves off their fat, lazy ass to do something. Motivation is a key factor for us humans, and criticism is a big part of it. How many times has a criticism been the catalyst for your self-improvement? How many times has self-criticism forced you to move and make changes in your life? Oh, I’m too this or oh I’m too that and then you go about to change your behavior or amend your attitude.

How many times has your criticism done the same for someone else? You may not have noticed it, because they may never tell you- just as you probably kept your hurt feelings from them when they criticized you. How many times have those stinging rebukes haunted you? How many times have you suffered the burden of those judgements that you felt were unfairly applied? How many times have you thought, I’ll show them?!

Criticizing does not have to be an adventure in sado-masochism. Criticizing does not always have to be a negative. As often as you want to dish the dirt, is as often as you should be willing to compliment and pacify. The critic’s duty is to tell it like it is, for good or ill.

Most of us only think of critics in a negative sense. A critical evaluation can be bad, good, or a combination of the two. Most of us though, are conditioned to hear only the bad, and because of this, we tend to eliminate any good criticisms from our repertoire. How many times does your boss nit-pick the minor details while glossing over the tremendous amount of energy and dedication you donate to the company? How many times can someone look at your time sheet and say you were five minutes late here and there without ever noticing that you worked 57 hours that week?

If you’re too stupid to be able to criticize someone in such a way that you don’t completely tear them down and send them off to the mental hospital then follow Carnegie’s command and not do it. Unless you are a mean bastard and your only goal is to influence, and control the person that you are criticizing, then use your power judiciously. But if you really are a savage, at least try to salvage a bit of decorum, and the person’s sanity, by saying, boohoo, did I make you cry? At least this way you might be able to at least seem humorous.

The most important rule of criticizing, especially if it's negative, is to start out your criticism with the tried and true, "I don't mean to criticize you, but..." And then nail em! Give it to them good! Unleash! And be sure to end it with, "you made me do it..." or "I hate having to say these things to you..." and if it's your wife, girlfriend or husband, "...but I'm willing to overlook all that because I love you for who you are..."

And always remember, plenty of people make a damn good living out of being a critic.